Better and Worse

Lets see today is better and worse. It is another day closer to leaving this place that sounds like a plus right? Wrong. As I am in Miami my parents took the opportunity to clean my room. If I sound bitter that's probably because I am. Mind you they had given me ample opportunity to clean it and I have no reason to hold it against them. They found some pretty gross things in my room including but not limited to food (in various stages of decay), teacups, sodas, and some yummy mold. That covers the food items but what about those things that were not at one point edible? Well I had plenty of those things in my room that could(and did) get me into trouble. Lets see where should I start I had matches(and old favor tie of all teenage delinquents), flammable liquids of all sorts, spice balls(for those of you who don't know what these are, that is anybody but Chris and Devon. Spice balls are a secret blend of spices and flammable liquids that burns for ages and is cool enough on the bottom to hold in your hand. I doubt my parents knew what this was and just passed it off as another abomination.), lighter fluid, lighters, fireworks(in various stages of development), OH and whether they realized it or not napalm. The piece De resistance however was the assortment of beer bottles in my room. Now they did not tell me how many they found but I am certain it cant be more than 5 because I don't think Ive drank more than 5 beers in my room ever.

Now the worst part of all of this is not the fact that they are going to to check up on me regularly to make sure that I am going to be a good boy, or the fact that since my mom was in my room looking around there is more than likely quite a few things broken, it is not the fact that on Sunday I leave Miami to go back home just to get yelled at and come back Monday which is when I am supposed to go back to work...who knows how they will feel about this. No the worst part is that again I am the blemish on the perfect face that is my family. I am not sure why I am the family blemish when there are bigger pimples that I in this lovely tree. My entire family has this skewed idea of who I am they blame my declining grades on alcohol. They think I am some alcoholic...well seeing as how it is a trend in my family I guess that would be why they think it. Little do they know I have been drunk three times in my lie. Once in France(with my family), once in my own home with my friend Chris while my parents were out sleeping over somebodies house(they never drive under the influence I have lots of respect for that) and once at my friend Chris's house. Now one may say that for a 17 year old that's three times to many and you may be right. The problem is however, that I have drank quite a bit more than three times. I have gone to plenty of parties and sipped on a single drink all night long. I have had a beer on occasion at home. I do not have the right to do these things since I am 17 and I know this. Anyways the worst part is that all of these people now have this skewed idea of me drinking every time that i go out and worse than that this idea that I get drunk every time I drink. I do not like the sensation of being drunk it makes me feel out of control as if my actions are not my own.


Anyways a brief summary I am stuck in south Florida, that is until I go home to get yelled at just to come back in an 8 hour car ride with my parents(that should be fun) then I get to come back to south Florida where i get a week long lecture where my family takes turns telling me that I am a failure and that I will never amount to anything and make numerous references to other failures and then compare me to my cousin who overdosed and died. This is the first time that I feel like these lectures are appropriate to the offense committed.


Now in all of this if it sounds as if I am angry at anybody but myself I apologize. I hold a lot of resentment towards my family but in this I know that I and I alone am to blame for my current situation. It also may be surprising to you that I put all of this in a blog well at this point who is going to see it? My parents? They will never ever care enough to read my blog they know I have one and haven't looked yet. My work? Now that is a real possibility and I hope nothing ill comes of it but if it does then the worst case scenario I lose my minimum wage job. Mind you I do not in any way want to lose the job I love my job.